


a heart surviving through hope

by chamaenerion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 18:42:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15847125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chamaenerion/pseuds/chamaenerion
Summary: Trapped in his own mind during Michael's possession, Dean realizes something has been missing from his life.[post season 13]





	a heart surviving through hope

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [DeanCas Creations Challenge](http://deancascc.tumblr.com/), prompt: [Simply The Missing Pieces Of You](https://fireandsteelofangels.tumblr.com/post/166316265317/you-fall-in-love-in-the-middle-of-a-war-with-your/) (title taken from poem as well)
> 
> [tumblr](http://pluckydean.tumblr.com/)

He won’t say it here because he knows this isn’t real.

He’s not sure what Michael is playing at- but if his goal was to make Dean complacent or broken, he’s failed.

Dean is angry. Absolutely furious to be stuck here with everything he’s ever wanted: a fully stocked kitchen and his family safe and happy around the dinner table, a comfortable couch and Dr. Sexy on the tv and Cas sat next to him with no space in between.

“Dean,” not-Castiel says again, and takes his hand. “I love you.”

He grits his teeth. He could have had this. He’d had almost all of it already, but this was the missing piece that has always been just out of reach.

Dean squeezes not-Castiel’s hand and stares straight ahead and decides to fight for it.

-

Sam is making plans. Castiel knows this because Sam has tried to include him in the process.

He can’t muster up the energy to help.

His mind is a constant loop of Dean leaving that night with Michael shining behind his eyes. And Castiel had let him go, had barely protested, because in the end it was Dean’s choice.

Castiel has spent years waiting for Dean to make a different kind of choice, and he’s _tired_.

He spends the first few days wandering around the bunker, trailing his fingers over the things he saw Dean touch last. The mug he’d used for coffee, the chair he’d sat in for supper, the neon sign he’d put on the wall of his rec room.

Sam and Jack get along very well, and Castiel is distantly glad. He can’t bring himself to speak much to either of them, not yet.

He spends the fourth and fifth day lying on Dean’s bed. The pillow still smells of Dean’s shampoo, and he breathes it in slow and deep, wishing the scent could ease the weight crushing his chest.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam says from the doorway.

With monumental effort, Castiel sits up.

Sam drags the desk chair over and drops onto it. “We’re going to get him back.”

But Castiel’s hope has been stretched too thin for so long that he can’t be sure of that anymore. He says nothing.

-

Dean yells himself hoarse, he tears the fake bunker apart, he hopes he’s giving Michael one hell of a migraine.

Something of Dean’s rage must have caught his attention, because suddenly the scene around him disappears and he’s left in the dark.

 _This is it_ , he thinks. He starts by focusing on his hand. He closes it into a fist... but this is not his hand. This isn’t real.

Like reaching through a dream, he concentrates on his physical body, and it feels a little like waking up. He fights his way to the surface.

There are so many things he wants.

He wants to protect Sammy, he wants to see his mother’s smile, he wants to drive the Impala far too fast down an abandoned road. And he wants Cas.

Dean just wants Cas.

“No,” Michael yells, and it’s strange to feel his mouth move when he’s not the one doing it.

“Get the fuck out,” Dean says, and he slices his hand open with Michael’s blade and draws his banishment in blood.

-

Castiel finds the strength. If he doesn’t do everything in his power to help Dean, how can he live with himself?

He goes to Sam on that eighth day and asks, “What do we do?”

Sam hugs him, and Castiel’s broken heart takes that small comfort and fools him into believing there’s hope.

In the end, they don't even have the time to put their plan into action.

Dean walks into the bunker the next day and the light behind his eyes is only his own.

-

He hugs Sam. They're both a little teary-eyed though this isn’t their first unlikely reunion (and with their luck it’s not their last, either).

There will be time for everyone else later, because then his eyes lock with Cas’ and this is it. He takes two steps closer to him and the proximity is like a punch to the gut. Dean can’t breathe, but a hug isn’t going to cut it and he needs _words_ , dammit.

Cas opens his mouth to speak, and it’s now or never because Dean’s about to lose his nerve.

“I’m sorry,” Dean says, trying to catch his breath. He grabs onto Cas’ sleeve and says it again.

Cas shakes his head. “You did what you had to-”

“No, no. I'm sorry I never did what I wanted to."

He closes the distance between them.

Their first kiss is soft. A brief brush of lips, and then Dean pulls back, because this is what he wants but that means nothing if Cas doesn't feel the same.

He's distantly aware of Sam ushering Jack and Jody and mom and whoever else out of the war room.

Cas’ eyes are wide.

Dean still has hold of his coat sleeve, so he gives it a shake. "Uh, Cas?"

"I love you," Cas says.

Dean feels the words sink in.

He leans forward to kiss him again, because he can, because this is real, and because more than anything he _wants_ to. He presses those same words against Cas’ mouth and onto his jaw and in a line down his neck until they’re both breathless and grinning like a pair of lovesick fools.

But that’s okay, because that’s exactly what they are.


End file.
